Did you know…

• Parenting is hard work
• Maintaining a good relationship with parents can be challenging, especially since both teens and parents are dealing with many other pressures.
• Your parents can learn from you.
  
  Tell your parent what you want or need from her/him in a conversation, such as:
  • --help solving a problem
  • --advice
  • --help in dealing with feelings
  • --simply listening

Lots of the coping strategies discussed in the DA's Kids and Teens Webpages involve talking with parents or other adults you trust. Sometimes that's easier said than done. Here are some guidelines for dealing with your parents.

Share it with them. They'll love it!

• Keep an open mind. Don't be disturbed by their questions. They're not prying into your business. They ask because they care. Share what you can.
• Use current events or news stories as an opener for sensitive subjects. Listen to their opinions on the event and then share yours. This is a good way to let your parents know how you feel about your world and your place in it without talking about yourself.
• Start the conversation. Your parents may be afraid to approach a sensitive topic with you.
• Talk often. No parent gets tired of hearing about what's really important to you. The more you talk, the better they'll understand you.
• Ask honest questions, but don't pry. Respect your parents' privacy.
• Tell them something about your day - every day. Ask about their day. This is a great way to get the conversation going.
• Ask their opinions. Let them know that you may not always do what they say, but you do want to hear about their opinion. They may surprise you with some good advice.
• Explain that you need space. It doesn't make you a weirdo. Teens need lots of time to think and to work out issues. Sometimes you have to remind your parents of this.
• Hug them. It will mean so much and it will probably feel good to you, too.
• Pick your battles. Don't fight over small things. Show them you are reasonable enough to compromise.
• If they are embarrassing you, say so. Sometimes parents confuse being funny with being way over the line. Let them know you are sensitive about this and you take it personally.
• Make an honesty pact. Be honest with them in exchange for their honesty with you.
• Remember that respect is a two-way street. You'll be treated the way you treat them.
• Give them some credit. They've been around longer than you have. They've dealt with some of the same issues. It's possible you can benefit from their experience.
• Love is the bottom line. Remember, when things are going badly between you and them, they love you.

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Source: Teen Files: Issues That Matter. A Hot Topics Newspaper Supplement.
William R. Keating, Norfolk District Attorney (2000).