What’s on your child’s mind?
You care about your child and know them better than anyone else. You see their moods, nurture their interests, and watch them explore the world around them. Even so, it’s not always easy to fully understand what they’re feeling or if they need support.
One of the most important ways to support your child’s mental well-being is by creating space for them to talk openly about their thoughts and feelings - without judgment or fear of potential consequences.
Starting a conversation
Knowing when and how to talk to your child about their mental health is hard! Talking with them often, not just when concerns arise, can help them feel safe and open. The more you talk about it, the easier it gets - for both of you!
Here are a few ways to engage your child in conversations about what they are thinking or feeling:
- Send the message that they and their feelings are important by giving them your full attention and removing distractions. Turn off your cell phone and talk in a quiet and private place.
- Ask open-ended questions (rather than yes or no questions); without making assumptions. Asking questions can help both of you understand the thinking or feelings better. Some of your questions might be:
- I’ve noticed that lately you seem a little ___. Can you tell me about how you are feeling?”
- "Can you tell me more about that, I'm here to listen."
- “How are you feeling today? Sometimes we have different emotions, and that’s okay.”
- Listen to understand, not to respond. Listen without interrupting, or jumping in to give advice, or judging. Be careful of your reactions, your tone, and body language. Those can often speak louder than words. You might ask them:
- “What can I do to help you?”
- “Is there something you need?”
Or maybe you just thank them for trusting you to listen.
- Reflect back what you’re hearing to make sure you truly understand. For example:
- “It sounds like you’ve been having a really hard time. Do you feel like that’s true?
- It seems like you’re feeling _____ because of __________. Is that right?
- Validate their experience, even if you don’t agree. Thank them for sharing and recognize this may be hard for them. Validation may look like:
- "That sounds really stressful.” or
- “I can see why you would feel this way”)
- “Talking about your feelings is hard, and I’m proud of you for doing it.”
- Let them know you are there for whatever comes next. Even if your child doesn’t want to talk, knowing you are there and ready to listen can help them open up if and when they’re ready. You might say:
- Thank you for talking to me. What do you think we should do next?
- Do you want to figure this out together?
- What is most important is preserving your relationship with your child. Follow their lead and show them that you’re open and caring.
Signs that something might be wrong
Children and teenagers show their emotions in diverse ways and don’t always know how to talk about what they’re feeling. If you notice a difference or feel like something might be off, trust your instincts, let them know you care about them, and check in about what you’re seeing.
Some signs that your child might be struggling with something include changes, generally lasting two weeks or more, such as:
- Irritability, anger, sadness, or worry;
- Changes in energy or motivation;
- Changes in sleep or appetite;
- Withdrawing from friends, loved ones, or activities they used to love;
- Difficulty concentrating, completing school assignments, or completing day-to-day tasks such as chores;
- Lack of attention to hygiene;
- Changes in thoughts or behaviors that seem unusual for them;
- Physical symptoms like headaches, stomachaches, or digestion issues; or
- Sudden refusal to go to school or get on the bus.
If you notice something, it’s important to talk with your child. See conversation starters for more information.
Unsure of what to do?
Children and youth may be eligible for MassHealth’s Preventive Behavioral Health Services through your primary care clinic. MassHealth covers short-term supportive individual, family, and group counseling for all MassHealth members younger than 21. For more information, ask your primary care provider for a screening and referral.
Want more support?
Your child doesn't need to be experiencing a crisis or have a diagnosis before you ask for additional help.
Talk to your doctor or insurance provider
Preventive behavioral health services are available for all MassHealth members under 21. Ask your doctor or insurance provider about getting an assessment or understanding your child’s mental health needs.
Contact the Behavioral Health Help Line (BHHL)
The free, 24/7 Behavioral Health Help Line (BHHL) connects individuals and families to the full range of treatment services for mental health and substance use offered in Massachusetts, including pediatric care options. Call or text 833-773-2445 or chat online. Deaf or heard of hearing? Contact MassRelay at 711.
Visit HandHoldMA
Visit handholdma.org for more information on navigating mental health resources in Massachusetts, additional tips, tools and ideas that have worked for other families, and stories from other families who have gone on their own mental health journeys.