How bullying happens and who it harms
Bullying can take many forms, including verbal, social, physical, and cyber. It often involves bias or discrimination. Bullying can happen to any student, but it often impacts those who are part of groups that feel left out.
Bullying may include:
- Hurting someone’s body or feelings or breaking someone else’s things
- Making someone feel afraid of being hurt or having their things taken or broken
- Making school or their community feel like an unsafe place
- Getting in the way of the fair treatment of a child in a school setting or outside of school
Bullying can cause harm in many different ways. It can hurt a person’s body, feelings, friendships, and education. When youth see adults bullying, it can make things worse. This can damage their sense of safety and trust within the school and community.
Common forms of bullying
Bullying can happen to any student but more often impacts those who are part of marginalized identity groups.
Verbal bullying
Verbal bullying is saying or writing mean things. It can include:
- Teasing
- Name-calling
- Rude sexual comments
- Mocking or taunting
- Saying you’ll hurt someone
Social bullying
Social bullying, sometimes called relationship bullying, happens when someone tries to harm another person’s relationships. They may aim to make others dislike that person. This can include:
- Leaving someone out on purpose
- Telling other children not to be friends with someone
- Spreading lies or rumors about someone
- Embarrassing someone in front of others
Physical bullying
Physical bullying involves hurting someone’s body or their things. This can include:
- Hitting, kicking, or pinching
- Spitting
- Tripping or pushing
- Taking or breaking someone’s things
- Making mean or rude signs with their hands
Sexual bullying
Sexual bullying goes beyond mean words. It can happen online or in-person and can include:
- Sexual comments or actions
- Sexual jokes and name-calling
- Rude hand signs
- Spreading lies about someone’s private life
- Sharing sexual photos or videos
- Touching or grabbing someone without permission
Cyberbullying
Cyberbullying takes place online using cell phones, computers, and tablets. It can happen on websites, texting, in apps, social media, and in games. Cyberbullying can include sending, posting, or sharing mean or false messages. It also involves sharing personal or private details about someone that could upset or embarrass them.
Sometimes cyberbullying can even break the law. Learn more about cyberbullying, where it can happen, and how to report it.
Examples of identity-based/prejudicial bullying
Disability-based bullying happens when people with disabilities such as physical, developmental (learning), intellectual, emotional, and sensory—are bullied. This can involve teasing about physical differences or social skill challenges, as well as ableism which is unfair treatment because based on a disability). Research shows that some children with disabilities may bully others as well. When bullying is directed at a child because of their known disability and it creates a unfriendly environment at school, bullying behavior may cross the line and become “disability harassment.”
Race, ethnicity, national origin, and religion bullying affects children from various religious backgrounds. They may be bullied for their beliefs, like prayer or dietary practices. Students can also face harassment based on ethnic slurs, language, skin color, or cultural attire. When bullying is serious and based on race, ethnicity, national origin, or religion, it can be deemed discriminatory harassment.
Youth of different sexual orientations and gender identities, including lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer (LGBTQ), intersex, and gender non-conforming (QI) youth, are more likely to be bullied. Additionally, LGBTQIA+ youth often have diverse identities (like religion or race) that can further complicate their experiences with bullying and harassment.
While there is no federal law that directly addresses bullying, it can overlap with discriminatory harassment when it is based on race, national origin, color, sex, age, disability, or religion. Learn more about when bullying turns into discriminatory harassment.
Why do people bully others?
Each person is unique, and various things can contribute to bullying behavior. A young person who is involved in bullying may try to:
- Gain or maintain social power or to raise their status in their peer group
- Show their loyalty to and fit in with their peer group
- Exclude others from their peer group, to show who is and is not part of the group
- Control the behavior of their peers
- Teach others to bully
The Child Safety Network reports that children who bully others are more likely to bullies in adulthood. This can affect their personal, family, and work relationships.
Ways parents and caregivers can stop youth from bullying
Bullying, repeated bullying, and ongoing harassment impact both the bullies and their victims. To create safe and inclusive spaces, we must address bullying quickly and fairly. This helps support healing and fosters long-term change.
- Make sure youth know that bullying is serious. They must understand they are responsible and accountable for what they do. This can be done in a way that promotes positive youth development and is healing in nature.
- Approach the conversation calmly and seek to understand the reasons behind their behavior.
- Apply short-term consequences, like removing phone or computer privileges for online bullying. Then, stress the need for inclusion when they exclude peers.
Tips for families
Families can discover ways to help youth grow stronger. They can boost their confidence, empathy, and ability to bounce back at home. Try these tips:
- Open communication: Initiate casual conversations during activities like car rides, meals, or homework. Discuss the daily schedule and listen actively. Ask open-ended questions like:
- What’s the funniest thing that happened today?
- What was the best and worst part of your day?
- What new thing did you learn about a friend this week?
- What would you change about today?
- Dedicated check-ins: Create a safe and non-judgmental space where your child feels comfortable. Be approachable and available for conversation whenever your child needs to talk. Let them know that you are always there to listen and support them, no matter what. For example, hold a time each day where everyone can share their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment.
- Active listening: Practice active listening by giving children your full attention when they speak. Stay engaged and show interest. Try to hold eye contact, nod, and provide verbal affirmations. When kids share about their school day, show you understand. This helps keep the conversation going.
- Encourage perspective-taking: Ask children to consider things from another person’s point of view. Encourage them to think about how their words or actions might affect others. For instance, if they were upset because a friend didn’t invite them to a party, you can ask, “How do you think your friend felt when they were planning the party? Can you understand why they might not have invited everyone?”
- Live by example: Show empathy in your daily interactions. For instance, express concern when someone is upset. Offer help to those in need. For example, when a friend is feeling sad, you can say, “I noticed they seem upset. Let’s see if we can cheer them up or find out what’s bothering them.”
- Acknowledge positive behaviors: Families can teach kindness by being good role models. This applies not just to their children, but also to their friends. Simple phrases like: “Thank you for being helpful” and “Thank you for listening,” show children how to care for one another through everyday interactions.
- Set clear expectations: Make sure everyone knows the rules for respectful behavior at home and in social situations. Reinforce the importance of treating others with kindness and respect, regardless of differences. For example, you can remind children before a playdate or social event, saying, “Remember to treat your friends with kindness and respect, just like you would want to be treated.”
Tips for youth-serving adults and schools
When adults or systems fail to respond to bullying appropriately, it can deepen harm and weaken trust in the environment. Here are some things that adults can do:
Act quickly
All reports of bullying should be taken seriously. Adults must recognize, respond to, and handle bullying quickly and appropriately.
Promise to protect and be fair
Addressing bullying requires more than discipline. It focuses on creating a culture of responsibility, healing, and fairness. Every young person should feel safe, respected, and supported.
- Ask students about their reasons for bullying and clarify specific actions taken
- Use consequences as learning opportunities and set clear, simple expectations
- Reward positive behavior more frequently than you address negative behavior
- Provide one-on-one feedback instead of public scolding
Foster equity and inclusion
This means making sure that everyone gets the support they need.
- Children directly involved in bullying participate in one-on-one meetings with the adults they trust to identify their needs and to get ongoing support
- People who witness bullying also require a safe space to discuss how it affected them
- Caregivers can talk with the school or community youth organization to involve their child in transformative justice circles
Additional resources to learn more about bullying
Positive Youth Development (PYD) programs
The Office of Adolescent Health (HHS) says Positive Youth Development (PYD) programs can:
- Boost safe peer interactions
- Help with coping.
- Create spaces where youth take responsibility and thrive.
CDC resources
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) says that a strong sense of belonging in schools helps students feel cared for and supported. This feeling can protect them from bullying and other risks. Learn more here: CDC | School Connectedness Helps Students Thrive
Massachusetts Aggression Reduction Center (MARC)
The Massachusetts Aggression Reduction Center (MARC) at Bridgewater State University offers research-based programs and services. These are for K–12 schools, families, and professionals throughout the United States. Many of these services are free or low cost.
MARC focuses on:
- Social and emotional learning
- Bullying and cyberbullying prevention
- Bias and diversity awareness
- Peer relationships
- Safe technology use
American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry
The American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry gives extra information on how to engage with youth who bully.
StopBullying.gov
StopBullying.gov provides information from various government agencies on what bullying is, what cyberbullying is, who is at risk, and how you can prevent and respond to bullying.
What you can do if your child is being bullied
If your child is being bullied or seeing it at school, you can show support by reporting it to the school and reviewing laws about bullying.
Mental health and bullying
Learn how bullying impacts mental health in children and teens. Discover tools and support options to help young people heal and grow stronger.
Bullying research and statistics
Learn more about bullying across the state of Massachusetts. Understanding the prevalence, causes, and impact of bullying is key to creating safe, supportive environments for all youth.