- Trial Court Law Libraries
Family gatherings—whether they are winter holidays, summer reunions, or milestone birthday parties—are cherished times for connection, laughter, and sharing memories. They are also, practically speaking, one of the few times when multiple generations and key family decision-makers are all in the same room.
While it might seem counterintuitive to bring up serious topics like incapacitation or end-of-life choices amidst the festivities, a family gathering can actually be the ideal opportunity to break the ice on estate planning and health care directives. And hopefully you can find a quiet moment (when you are not distracted by the dog trying to get his share of the appetizers).
Talking about these issues isn't morbid; it’s a proactive act of caring. It’s about ensuring that if a crisis occurs, your loved ones aren't left guessing, arguing, or navigating a complex legal system during an emotional time.
Here is how you can utilize family time to start these essential conversations, and how the Massachusetts Trial Court Law Libraries can help you take the next steps.
The Key Massachusetts documents
You don’t need to draft a 50-page trust on the back of napkins between dinner and dessert. You just need to make sure the basics are covered. Think of these documents as the "designated drivers" for your life decisions.
1. The Health Care Proxy (The most vital first step)
In Massachusetts, the most critical document for medical decision-making is the Health Care Proxy. This document allows a competent adult (the "Principal") to appoint another person (the "Health Care Agent") to make medical decisions on their behalf if they become unable to make those decisions themselves.
Every adult over 18 at the dinner table should consider having one. It is a relatively simple legal form. Chapter 201D of the Massachusetts General Laws provides the statutory framework for Health Care Proxies and the Law Libraries can provide a copy of the form for you upon request.
2. "Living Wills" / Advance Directives
It is important to note that Massachusetts does not have a specific statute governing "living wills" (documents that list specific medical treatments you do or do not want). However, Massachusetts courts have recognized these documents as clear evidence of a person's wishes. They are incredibly helpful tools to guide your Health Care Agent when they have to make difficult decisions.
3. Durable Power of Attorney
While the Health Care Proxy covers medical decisions, a Durable Power of Attorney handles financial ones. This allows someone you trust to pay your bills, access bank accounts, and manage real estate if you become incapacitated.
4. Wills and Trusts
These are the traditional estate planning tools that determine how your assets are distributed after death and, crucially, who will act as guardian for minor children.
Why talk about it now?
When a medical crisis or an unexpected death occurs, families are often thrown into chaos. Without clear directives, family members may disagree on medical treatment, or the court might have to appoint a guardian or conservator to manage affairs—a process that can be public, expensive, and time-consuming.
By having a calm conversation when everyone is healthy and together, you remove the panic. You ensure that the people you trust the most understand your wishes and know where your important documents are kept.
Tips for broaching the subject without ruining the mood
You don’t need to stand up, tap your glass with a fork and announce a formal seminar. Keep it light but purposeful.
- The "I read an article" move: "I saw this post from the Trial Court Law Libraries about Health Care Proxies. It reminded me—Mom, Dad, where do you keep yours?"
- Use a news hook: "I was reading an article the other day about how many people don't have a contingency plan for their children should something happen to them. It made me realize I have an important question to ask you.”
- Focus on the agents: If you have appointed your sibling as your Health Care Agent, this is a great time to ask—as they take a big bite of pie—"Hey, if I’m in a coma, are you cool with making decisions for me?" (And to make sure she actually says yes!)
- The "New Year" angle: "My New Year's resolution is to finally get my paperwork organized so I can stop worrying about it. Did you guys draft your own will or do you have a good estate attorney to recommend?”
- The scavenger hunt: "Quick question—if there was an emergency, does anyone actually know where the safe deposit box key is? Or are we going to have to tear the house apart looking for it?"—assuming that is where the important papers are kept.
How the Law Libraries can help
The Massachusetts Trial Court Law Libraries are a free resource open to the public. We can’t give you legal advice (and we certainly can't help you cook the turkey), but we can provide the information and resources you need to understand the process and provide the right forms or templates.
If your family discussion sparks questions, here is where you can look:
- Massachusetts legal forms: We provide a portal to access many legal forms. The Law Libraries can also provide templates for wills, trusts, POAs, health care proxies and directives upon request.
- Law about... pages: Our website features curated "Law about" pages on specific topics. We have excellent starting points such as "Law about health care proxies and living wills" and "Law about wills and estates," which link directly to relevant Massachusetts General Laws (MGL) and trustworthy guides.
- Print resources: Our physical libraries contain numerous self-help books on estate planning specifically tailored for Massachusetts residents, as well as deeper legal treatises if you need more detailed information. You can search our collection through the online catalog.
- Law librarians: Real humans who can help you find the resources to get this done right.
The Best gift is clarity
This holiday season or next family gathering, amidst the food and laughter, take a little time to ensure your family is protected. A difficult conversation today can prevent a devastating crisis tomorrow.
So, go ahead. Eat the pie, enjoy the company, and maybe—just maybe—sign a form or two.
Disclaimer
The information provided in this blog post is for educational purposes only and is not intended as legal advice. Laws change, and every situation is unique. We encourage you to consult with a qualified attorney regarding your specific estate planning needs.
Authored by Mitzi Krueger, Head Law Librarian at the Barnstable Law Library.